Rosie O’Donnell’s Terrorist Fans

Terrorist leaders are weighing in on Rosie O’Donnell’s geopolitical rantings.

Ramadan Adassi, the terrorist head of the Al Aqsa Martyrs Brigades, has said that he agrees with O’Donnell’s views. And Ala Senakreh, the West Bank Chief of the same terrorist group, is inviting Rosie to come on a fact-finding visit and live with them for a while.

“We welcome Rosie O’Donnell to stay among us and to get to know the truth from being here,” Senakreh said, according to author Aaron Klein.

O’Donnell’s rep says the idea that terrorists have picked Rosie for their pin-up poster is “absurd.”

But when you look at Rosie’s statements, it doesn’t seem that far-fetched.

Assisting in making the monsters appear cuddly, O’Donnell said, “Don’t fear the terrorists. They’re mothers and fathers.”

Helping to take the terrorists off the hook for the events of 9/11, she informed folks that the buildings were brought down in order to get rid of documents that incriminated Enron and other corporations.

Relieving the Iranian government of responsibility, the blustering blogger suggested that the Bush administration orchestrated the kidnapping of fifteen British sailors as a pretext for war.

Lending a hand to terrorist mastermind Khalid Sheikh Mohammed who had confessed to more than 30 terrorist plots and the 9/11 attack, O’Donnell spread the word that the confession had been coerced via U.S. torture.

And who could forget when Rosie announced that our country had treated the Guantanamo inmates “like animals” and subjected them to “torture … on a daily basis.”

What does her rhetoric portend?

Rosie will be back on the tube real soon—on Al Jazeera.

The former object of Rosie’s affection, Tom Cruise, apparently intends to construct a $10 million bunker under his home in Telluride in order to keep wife Katie Holmes and daughter Suri safe from an intergalactic alien attack.

Cruise does have some interplanetary experience. After all, he starred in Steven Spielberg’s 2005 flick “War of the Worlds.”

According to Star Magazine, Cruise plans to hunker down in a bunker because of his devotion to the Church of Scientology. He reportedly believes that “an evil revenge attack” is being plotted by Xenu, a dethroned galactic potentate.

The structure will purportedly be “a self-contained underground shelter” with high tech air purifying capability.

Cruise’s rep denies the report and says it’s “completely untrue.”

Even though Hollywood publicists aren’t anxious to admit their clients have concerns over interstellar invasions from outer space, politicians are chomping at the bit to have another shot at a guest worker program.

L.A. Mayor Turns to Hillary for Extra-Marital Advice

Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa’s trysts with a local reporter have caused him a world of trouble.

The once skyrocketing star of the Democrat Party recently admitted to having an extra-marital affair with Telemundo anchor Mirthala Salinas, who had been assigned to cover his mayoral-related activities.

Interestingly, Villaraigosa is seeking the sage advice of another Dem who presumably has some familiarity in how to deal with the infidelity issue.

During a recent episode of Michael Eisner’s CNBC talk show, the former Disney exec referred to the mayor as the “Hispanic Clinton.” Villaraigosa disclosed that he and Hillary Clinton had had the opportunity to discuss the affair that brought an end to the mayor’s marriage.

Eisner asked, “She’s [Hillary] never — because you were very close to her before it came out that you were having martial problems, let’s say. She’s not annoyed at you like she was annoyed at her husband?”

Villaraigosa replied, “We actually had a very good conversation about that…I’ll just say this. In life we sometimes make mistakes. There’s no question that we have to accept responsibility for those mistakes. I have.”

Ironically, Eisner also interviewed the blood spitting KISS rocker Gene Simmons.

And it was Simmons who praised the sanctity of marriage.

Brad Pitt’s Southern Sadness Suspicions

Brad Pitt has been out promoting his latest flick with the long-winded title, “The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford.”

In an interview on ABC’s “Good Morning America,” Pitt shared some of his thoughts on being a dad. He also talked about how fatherhood has helped him overcome a sadness that he has had since he was a boy growing up in Missouri.

Pitt’s onscreen character Jesse James also grew up in the Show Me State, which evidently spurred the actor into examining his past and the region of his childhood.

Pitt spoke of something he characterized as the South’s “congenital sadness.”

“It’s something that I feel in my grandparents, in the people I’ve met, in a Southern way of life,” Pitt said.

Interestingly, he sees the Christian faith as an antidote for Southern woe.

“It’s something pervasive, an undercurrent that I think Christianity answers,” Pitt professed.

O.J. Simpson’s Courtroom Fate

A poetic turn toward justice seems to have taken place in the strange saga of O.J. Simpson.

The former athlete, actor and murder defendant was recently arrested on multiple felony counts. The charges involve serious felonies—robbery with a deadly weapon, conspiracy to commit robbery and burglary with a firearm.

The Las Vegas police followed textbook criminal procedure, carefully arresting, charging and questioning the accomplice and obtaining two firearms and other evidence before going after O.J.

The accomplice, Walter Alexander, was arrested on two counts of robbery with a deadly weapon, two counts of assault with a deadly weapon, conspiracy to commit robbery and burglary with a deadly weapon, enough charges to induce a deal with prosecutors.

Simpson seems to have a strange strain of narcissism that makes him think he is immune to the workings of the justice system. “I’m not walking around feeling sad or anything. I’ve done nothing wrong,” he told the Los Angeles Times.

Ironically, O.J.’s arrest comes as his book, “If I Did It,” a hypothetical account of his ex-wife’s murder, hits the bookstores.

In 1997 a civil jury found O.J. responsible for the deaths of wife Nicole Brown Simpson and her friend Ron Goldman and ordered him to pay the families of the victims $33 million. Goldman’s sister Kim said she is not surprised by the robbery allegations because Simpson “thinks he can do no wrong.”

If the current case goes to trial, any actions taken by O.J. in avoidance of payment of the judgment would become relevant. If he had been involved in autographing memorabilia and secretly selling it to avoid paying the judgment, additional criminal charges could ensue.

David Cook, a Goldman family lawyer, said he plans to go to court to make sure the mementos were not sold but instead turned over to the family to be used to help settle the civil judgment.

Even though it is in the early stages, this O.J. trial may drastically differ from the “Trial of the Century.” O.J. will probably be unable to afford a “dream team” of lawyers, Nevada prosecutors will likely be more proficient and the judge less star struck than counterparts in the murder trial, a D.A. will be less inclined to permit a change of venue to another jurisdiction and, with any luck, cameras in the courtroom will be disallowed.

O.J. has already admitted to some of the crimes of which he is accused. He said that he entered a man’s room with a group of friends, one of whom was posing as a potential buyer, after being tipped off that some of his personal items were for sale there. He also said his friends helped him carry the items from the room, although he claims no guns were involved.

When all is said and done, Orenthal James Simpson may go to prison for a long stretch this time around, a punishment that would fit—like a glove.

Jessica Alba’s Kissing for Dummies

She’s one of the hottest female stars and he’s one of the hottest stand-up comics.

Jessica Alba and Dane Cook appear together in the Lions Gate film “Good Luck Chuck,” which is about a guy who discovers that every girl he gets involved with marries the next man she dates.

In the movie, Alba plays the role of a woman that Cook’s character himself would like to marry.

In real life, Alba actually handed Cook some new comedy material on a silver platter when she was asked about the love scenes that she did with the comedian.

“Kissing? Well…,” Alba tells Fox News, “I don’t really remember. It was like kissing a dummy.”

Puppet puckering aside, Alba is a romantic when it comes to the way stories are told in movies.

“The films I do always have a happy ending,” she says, adding that she hopes “it reflects back to real life.”

Ali Larter Gets Real for the Emmy Awards

One actress is bucking a longstanding Hollywood trend.

While other stars spend hours having their hair coifed prior to walking the 59th Primetime Emmy red carpet, Ali Larter will be readying herself by “going real.”

The “Heroes” actress and co-star of “Resident Evil: Extinction,” the third and final installment of the movie series that is based on the video game of the same name, is collaborating with Dove Hair Care and foregoing a professional hairstylist.

Instead, just like the average person, Larter will be doing her own hair for the event.

Her mission is to inspire women to start loving the hair they have and not comparing it to the unattainable images seen in the media and Hollywood.

Typically, a squadron of cosmetologists spends hours of glam-up time per star to achieve the results seen at red carpet events and photo shoots.

Of course, most folks are unaware of the extent to which the beauty brigades have teased, tugged and twirled to attain the hot hairdos.

Unable to meet high hair expectations, countless viewers feel as though their self-esteem has been flat-ironed. Larter and Dove Hair Care are out to change that.

Interestingly, nearly 60 percent of women believe that the images in the media set the standard for beautiful hair, according to a recent survey done by Impulse Research.

Larter is getting the word out that “there is a lot of work that goes into Hollywood hair.”

“I am doing all of this to help women realize the potential of their own hair and feel more confident every day,” she adds.