Hollywood Vampires and D.C. Draculas

Lindsay Lohan: ‘I’ve Been a Target’

In what appears to be a pity ploy, Lindsay Lohan recently tried to explain why she’s having trouble finding work.

It’s not the ailing economy or any mistake she herself may have made.

No, according to Lindsay, she’s a victim of a media conspiracy.

In a recent appearance on the “Ellen” show, the “Mean Girls” star spoke of a specific gig she had lost.

“I had a really good opportunity with an amazing actor and it’s been put on hold because of this coverage that’s been coming out,” Lohan contended.

Somewhat disgusted, she added, “I didn’t get into this to be a celebrity on the cover of tabloids and I’ve been a target and I’m not that interesting but it’s distracting; it distracts people, studio heads, everyone – they get nervous.”

Someone should tell Lindsay that when execs read reports of eating disorders, drug abuse and unstable relationships, it’s their job to get nervous.

Still trying to make her case, Lohan had a message for her prospective Tinseltown employers.

“I’m ready to work and I’m responsible,” she said.

Movie Outing

A new documentary is set to premiere at the upcoming Tribeca Film Festival, and it’s likely to cause consternation at the nation’s capital.

The promotional poster for the movie describes it as “a searing expose of the secret lives of closeted gay politicians.”

Although the film will purportedly feature familiar gay pols such as Barney Frank, its primary aim is to publicly reveal closeted Republicans who have taken a stand in defense of traditional marriage.

Its publicity slogan is “Do ask, do tell.”

Colleagues of mine who have seen the rough cut tell me that the film will feature politicians who haven’t previously been “outed.”

Kirby Dick directed it. He also made “This Film Is Not Yet Rated,” which ticked off the MPAA.

The executive producer is well-known Left Coast political advisor to the stars Chad Griffin, who was also an advisor for California’s No on Proposition 8 campaign.

Robert Redford’s Sundance Institute produced it, and Magnolia Pictures will be the distributor.

The version of the movie that’s been shown to selected critics is far from finished, and filmmakers are avoiding revealing the identities of politicians who will supposedly be outed.

In any case, the movie is poised to get lots of publicity, which is just what the creators wanted all along.

James Hirsen is a New York Times bestseller, media law professor and commentator.

Barack Obama Raises the Dead

The remaining members of legendary jam band “The Grateful Dead” were not getting along very well.

Fans of the group, who are known as “Deadheads,” were concerned that they would never again be able to sit cross-legged on a concert floor as their favorite San Fran group let loose with one of their trademark hour-long tunes.

But now, no doubt to the Deadheads’ delight, Mickey Hart, Phil Lesh, Bob Weir and Bill Kreutzman, the original members of the Grateful Dead, have announced that they will do a tour in April 2009.

These days the group is simply known as “The Dead.” Interestingly, members haven’t toured together for four years.

Why the reconciliation? Barack Obama, of course.

The four rockers got together in October 2008 to perform at Penn State for an Obama fundraiser.

Three of the band members played an earlier Obama money generator in February 2008.

Hart told Rolling Stone that the Obama fest “broke the ice” and added, “We were able to let some of these skeletons in our closet just fall away.”

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Madonna and A-Rod on Adoption Flight to Malawi?

Madonna is reportedly going back to the impoverished nation of Malawi to adopt another child.

This time she’s taking baseball slugger Alex Rodriguez along with her.

Only months after splitting with spouse Guy Ritchie, the material girl has reportedly signed documents for an additional Malawi adoption.

In 2006 Madonna adopted son David Banda, while reports circulated about alleged objections by the birth father and protests by human rights organizations.

The new child is a four-year-old girl named Mercy James. Mercy’s 18-year-old mother apparently died 18 days after she was born.

Earlier reports indicated that Madonna and Ritchie had been interested in adopting the child months ago.

Mercy’s grandfather told Star Magazine, “It breaks our hearts to know she will leave us, but adoption is best for her.”

Davi Creates Compelling Entertainment with ‘Dukes’

“The Dukes” brings back elements of cinema entertainment sorely lakcing from the current Hollywood fare.

Even if you don’t know the difference between Doo Wop and Hip Hop, it is worth your time to catch Robert Davi’s directorial debut of “The Dukes.”

Here’s the little movie that could, a potent directing debut for actor Robert Davi.

The old-fashioned story is aided by surprisingly smooth direction, as well as likable performances from Davi himself, Chazz Palmintieri, and a perfectly cast Peter Bogdanovich.

“The Dukes” is a wry comic tale of a down-and-out Doo Wop band who take a bumbling detour into burglary in their endless quest to make good on their dreams. Featuring an accomplished ensemble cast and the directorial debut of beloved tough-guy actor Robert Davi, the film is a rollicking caper that is also deeply candid about life, love, friendship and the heart it takes to keep on struggling to find meaning and connection as life takes one absurd turn after another. Punctuated by a retro rock n roll soundtrack, the fun begins as The Dukes – once hit-makers in the 1960s– are barely making ends meet in 2007. Band leader Danny DePasquale (ROBERT DAVI, “Die Hard,” “License To Kill,” “The Goonies”) is horrified by the fact that he can’t even afford to help his ex-wife fix his darling son’s teeth. Meanwhile, his partner, George Zucco (Academy Award® nominee CHAZZ PALMINTERI, “Bullets Over Broadway,” “A Bronx Tale”), drowns his financial sorrows by indulging his passion for plus-size women.

Even as their manager, Lou Fiola (Academy Award® nominated director-producer-writer-actor PETER BOGDANOVICH), searches to find gigs for an act that has gone utterly obsolete, Danny and George take jobs in their feisty Aunt Vee’s (MIRIAM MARGOLYES, “Being Julia,” “Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets”) Italian trattoria. The Dukes are determined to resurrect their flagging hopes and self-esteems. They daydream of money-making schemes that would allow them to build an updated Doo Wop nightclub from which they could stage a fresh comeback. Then, opportunity knocks. When they hear of a shady dentist’s lab brimming with cavity-filling gold, the temptation is irresistible. After recruiting a semipro safecracker (Emmy winner BRUCE WEITZ, “Hill Street Blues”), the heist is on!

Will Ferrell to Play Bush on Broadway

Before Tina Fey created the Sarah Palin knockoff, Will Ferrell gained fame for his “Saturday Night Live” impersonation of President Bush.

Now the comedic film star has plans to bring his presidential mimicking to the Broadway stage.

“You’re Welcome America – A Final Night With George W. Bush” will enable Ferrell to make his stage debut in a one-man show.

The actor will collaborate with “Anchorman” and “Talladega Nights” writer Adam McKay for a performance that’s scheduled to open in 2009.

Ferrell generally approached his SNL Bush in a lighthearted way.

A quote attributed to Ferrell may fuel some optimism for the Broadway Bush character: “I’m no tortured, anger-stoked, deeply neurotic comic. Just a pretty low-key normal guy – a, ‘Hey, the glass is half-full’ kind of a guy. But please keep it quiet, or I may never work again.”

Homer Simpson to Endorse Obama

Barack Obama is set to receive an endorsement—sort of.

The support will reportedly come from iconic cartoon character Homer Simpson.

In an upcoming episode of the Fox animated series, which is scheduled to be aired two days prior to the election, Bart’s dad will explain his support for the Dem candidate.

“Obama cares about people like me,” Homer declares. “I haven’t been blessed with intelligence, a strong work-ethic, or sound moral judgment. But I have needs. An Obama administration will make it easier for guys like me to get what we need.”

Homer attempts to vote using an electronic voting machine.

“It’s time for a change,” he says as he repeatedly pushes the Obama button on the machine. But instead of votes for Obama, the machine indicates half a dozen votes for John McCain.

Ultimately the voting machine devours Homer whole, while he screams, “This can’t happen in America.”

If McCain wins the election, don’t be surprised if Dems use the “machine ate my hubby” excuse to launch a lawsuit.

Dubai’s Dubious Debut

Over the past several years, many of the studio blockbusters have been financed with Wall Street and hedge fund money. With the current financial mess we’re in, Hollywood found itself in the position of having to look elsewhere for film budget assistance.

It turns out it didn’t have to look for very long. The oil rich government of Abu Dhabi has committed a $1-billion-plus fund to make movies and digital content via Abu Dhabi Media Co., a government controlled entity.

Using a newly formed subsidiary called Imagenation, Abu Dhabi made its first deal with Participant Media, a U.S. company well known in the Middle East for producing the Islamic terrorist friendly flick, “Syriana.” Two-hundred-fifty-million dollars has been set aside for 18 movies to be made over the next five years. Participant’s head Jim Berk told the New York Times that the films will “entertain” but will “also raise awareness of issues and inspire social change.”

Founded in 2004 by former eBay exec Jeff Skoll, Participant has specialized in “message” movies including “An Inconvenient Truth” and “Good Night, and Good Luck” along with “Syriana.” According to the Khaleej Times, Dubai seeks to establish “a strong regional and global media presence through successful implementation of public diplomacy.”

Wonder how many ways they can come up with to make a “Syriana” sequel.

Michael Moore’s Obama Advice

Michael Moore usually can’t stay quiet during a political campaign season. And this year is no exception.

In an attempt to insert himself into the current presidential contest, Moore has released a book called “Mike’s Election Guide 2008.”

In an excerpt on his Web site, the “Sicko” filmmaker posts a formula for a Barack Obama loss.

Titled “How The Democrats Can Blow It …In Six Easy Steps,” Moore sets forth a “blueprint for losing the most winnable presidential election in American history.”

Along with items that he claims will cause the presumptive Democrat nominee to eventually lose (like “saying nice things about McCain,” picking “a running mate who is a conservative white guy or a general or a Republican” and “writing speeches for Obama that make him sound like a hawk”) is something that signals a new level of self-absorption even for Moore. Step number six reads, “Denounce me!”

According to Moore, if Obama distances himself from him, it would be a fatal error, politically and strategically.

The “Bowling for Columbine” and “Fahrenheit 9/11” documentary maker writes that “Obama, at some point, might be asked this question: ‘Michael Moore has endorsed you. But he recently said (fill in the blank with some outrageously offensive line taken out of context). Will you still accept his endorsement, or do you denounce him?’”

Moore answers his own hypothetical in the following way: “So Barack, by denouncing me, you can help McCain get elected. Because when you denounce me, it’s not really me you’re distancing yourself from — it’s the millions upon millions of people who feel the same way about things as I do.”

The only problem for Moore is that the millions upon millions of people who feel the same way he does live on Planet X and usually vote the Tin Foil Hat Party.

James Hirsen is a media analyst, Trinity Law School professor, and teacher of mass media and entertainment law at Biola University.

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