Roseanne Barr e-Mimics Rosie O’Donnell’s ‘View’ Views

With the vacancy on ABC’s “The View” still up for grabs, Roseanne Barr is doing her best Rosie imitation on her Web site.

Barr, whose name has been mentioned as a possible replacement for O’Donnell, has this advice for Congress: “Impeach the president and the vice president, they are traitors to America, and so are all of their supporters. Impeach! Anyone in congress who refuses to save our union from these traitors by doing nothing needs to be recalled.”

The comedienne also puts out the following pleas: “Save our troops!!! Save our schools and hospitals and jobs. Feed our hungry and poor!”

No lefty rescue roster would be complete without at least one mention of Katrina. “Save the drowning people in New Orleans!” Barr blogs.

The national anthem decimating diva fails, however, to provide any ideas on how the saving should take place.

Barr closes her post with a non-partisan wisecrack and smacks the media in the process: “Anyone who mentions Paris Hilton one more time must die!”

Simon Gives LaKisha the Kiss of Death

A kiss from Simon Cowell turned out to be a kiss-off. A week after so impressing the cantankerous Cowell that he kissed her, LaKisha Jones was booted off ‘American Idol.’

Keith Richards Sucks Dad Up His Nose

Rolling Stone Keith Richards may have indulged in a host of illegal substances in his life, but, hey this is not something to be bragging about.

“The strangest thing I’ve tried to snort? My father. I snorted my father,” Richards told the British music magazine NME.

“He was cremated and I couldn’t resist grinding him up with a little bit of blow. My dad wouldn’t have cared,” he said. “… It went down pretty well, and I’m still alive.”

Richards’ father, Bert, died at age 84 in 2002.

It’s bad enough to be boasting about sucking up blow, but mixing it with your departed dad’s remains is ghoulish.

Leo DiCaprio in Production on Global Warming Flick

Leonardo DiCaprio gazed on as the Academy showered affection on Al Gore as he accepted an Oscar for his global warming lecture.

Now DiCaprio is in production on his personally penned documentary on the same gaseous subject.

Global warming is not only the number one environmental challenge we face today, but one of the most important issues facing all of humanity,” DiCaprio elucidated.

The movie will be released in late 2007.

With the alarmist title “11th Hour,” the flick will examine the global environment and like Gore’s flick will present solutions to the eco-problems of the world.

I wonder if solutions will include buying phony carbon offsets like Gore and Hollywood entertainment companies do.

Madonna Accused of Bribing Adoption Official

Suspicions surrounding the Malawian baby adoption of Madonna are being fueled further by reports that a government official who was working for the ministry that handled the case is now living and going to school in Britain on the pop singer’s dime.

Four months before she was granted temporary custody of Baby David, according to the London Daily Mail, Madonna reportedly committed to pay for Willard Manjolo’s living expenses and tuition fees, which were thought to be about 39,000 U.S. dollars.

Manjolo started college at Swansea University a month before Madonna left Malawi with her new baby boy.

Justin Dzodzi, a prominent attorney in the impoverished African nation, has gone on record as saying that Madonna’s financial support of Manjolo “could be construed as payment for the adoption.”

Dzodzi is among those who seek to challenge the adoption in court. Purportedly, he fully intends to bring these new facts to the attention of the Malawian judges.

“The entire circumstances surrounding the case need to be re-examined and this latest disclosure is something we would wish to bring before the courts,” Dzodzi said.

As for Manjolo, he claims that he was not involved in the adoption process and has never met the singer.

“It is unfortunate if people use their wealth to manipulate events, but I don’t think it happened in this case. Her application was considered on merit,” Manjolo said.

Hey Madonna, How About Some Help for These Guys!

A recent comment:

“My name is Rev. Dr. Mercy Wood; I am a co-Founder of Wood World Missions

Wood World Missions is a Christian Non- profit, charity missions Ministry worldwide. Based in the UK. We don’t only preach the word but demonstrate it with practical support to the poor and needy. For the last 13yrs we have been assisting many needy people with our own funds, until 2000 when we officially registered with Charity Commission. Registration No: 108400.
I have been going to Malawi for the last 3yrs helping orphans in the north of Malawi. We have donated a clean water for a village of 200. Build centres for pre school for the orphans, etc.

I have been trying to build a free primary school which will take care for the orphans.
I was trying to raise £7,500 to complete a whole primary school + play area, this is proven difficulties.
There are many Orphans, who have no one at all.
So far we have about 120 orphans living in different villages which we care for.

Hope we get help.”

www.woodworldmissions.org

Gloria Allred’s Got a Brand New Target

Gloria Allred always seems to be attached to a highly publicized news story.

Knowing that there are no genuine lawsuit possibilities raised by the facts of this case, Allred has come up with a creative way to seek money for the two men who were directly insulted by Michael Richards’ racist outburst.

Allred has insisted to the media that Cosmo Kramer’s alter ego meet with her clients, Frank McBride and Kyle Doss, in front of a retired judge to apologize and allow the judge to decide on compensation.

Allred claims that concerning her clients, Richards “went after them,” “singled them out,” “taunted them,” and “did it in a closed room where they were captive.”

Anyone held captive in today’s comedy club’s deserves some big bucks.

Maybe this lawsuit should be called a crass action.

A.P.: Colombian rebels want Denzel Washington, Oliver Stone, Michael Moore to help negotiate with government

Colombia’s largest rebel group is calling on actor Denzel Washington and filmmakers Oliver Stone and Michael Moore to help it reach a deal with the government on exchanging imprisoned guerrillas for rebel-held hostages, including three U.S. citizens.

The Revolutionary Armed Forces of Colombia, better known as the FARC, issued a letter made public Thursday asking the celebrities to advocate the swap to the American people. for more…

Marcia Cross Wants Her Trash Back

Celebrities have to be careful about what they discard.

“Collectors” routinely search through dumpsters of the famous, hoping to find some treasures among the trash.

“Desperate Housewives”’s Marcia Cross is desperate to have her trash remover return some pictures to her that she had placed in the round file.

A man who was hired to haul away some refuse reportedly found over 200 pictures of Cross, some of which captured the actress enjoying an outdoor shower.

The actress’s attorneys are threatening to file a lawsuit. They’ve indicated that Cross tossed the photos by mistake.

But an agent for the trash collector is asserting the venerable legal doctrine of “Finders Keepers.”

Cross recently got married and is pregnant with twins.

‘Borat’ Confounds Hollywood Experts

 

 

As Sacha Baron Cohen’s Kazakhstani alter ego Borat would say, “My movie is bringing glorious takings of much American dollars at box office.”

 

According to the studio estimates of 20th Century Fox, “Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan” took in $26.4 million during its opening weekend, mystifying experts and beating the highly favored Disney flick “The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause,” which stars Tim Allen.

 

“Santa Clause” ended up in second place with a $20 million take.

 

Another film that was supposed to beat “Borat” is Paramount-DreamWorks’ animated comedy “Flushed Away,” which features the voices of Hugh Jackman and Kate Winslet, but the movie landed in the number three spot with $19.1 million.

 

Theaters were jam-packed with “Borat” fans because “Borat” was released in only 837 theaters, a reflection of execs’ low expectations for the comedy. 

In stark contrast “Santa Clause” and “Flushed Away” were on 3,458 screens and 3,707 screens, respectively. 

“Borat” averaged $31,511 per theater while “Santa” and “Flushed” averaged less than $6000 per screen.

Needless to say, Fox plans on increasing the number of “Borat” screens ASAP.

 

Why the success for the highly satirical comedy? 

 

The Internet has been buzzing with feedback on the flick with most of the comments indicating that throughout the movie audiences were in hysterics.